Babies Don’t Keep

My friend Dawn has started her own blog – and I’ve added her link to the side. I’ve only had a chance to read one of her posts, but I’m really excited that she’s undertaken the “project”…

This has been quite a week. I nearly had a nervous breakdown yesterday and ended up just bawling after a very rough morning which ended with my slamming Claira’s fingers in the bathroom door after discovering she was playing in the toilet. Again. So I took her to Mama’s – went back home and slept and eventually made my way into work.

And my work schedule changed this week – we’re working our summer hours (7:30a – 4:00p) which is FABULOUS once we get into the routine, but getting INTO the routine in the midst of potty training a daughter who does NOT really like to be awakened by anyone, and losing more sleep because of it – it’s very frustrating and difficult this week.

There are moments that no matter where I am or who I have in my life I feel completely alone and overwhelmed by life’s everyday circumstances. And sometimes, I just need to scream at the top of my lungs and let go of responsibility. I would love to “run away from home” right now. Not to leave my husband or daughter – that’s not what I mean. I just want to run away from laundry and dishes, potty training and diapers, a messy house that I can’t seem to ever get under control (with the chaos that only contributes to my feeling overwhelmed), and a job that gets busier in the summer which is when I HAPPEN to be due to have daughter #2. Sometimes the pressure is simply unbearable and I don’t want to be nice anymore and I don’t want to do anything for anyone else and I just want to sit and have someone take care of ME for a week…

I had a dream yesterday morning while I was napping and these random guys were coming into my house bringing shopping bags full of clothes and racks full of shoes – and in my dream, I walked over and picked up this really cute pair of sandals and just started BAWLING because it was so nice to feel that pampered. And it was only a pair of shoes.

So I pamper myself. Paint my toenails pink. Get my starbucks when I can. Use my chocolate-scented body lotion from Bath & Body works which makes me feel delicious. Prop my feet up in the recliner at night for a good 30 minutes to get the swelling to go down and TRY to ignore the basket of folded clothes that should be put away…

So I try to remember: Settle down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I’m rocking my babies, and babies don’t keep…

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