Tuesday Thoughts

My Buckeyes lost…  A moment of silence please…

I couldn’t even watch the whole game.  I went to bed before halftime after watching LSU consistently convert their 3rd downs, and OSU continue to commit some really stupid penalties.  It was like watching a hot air balloon slowly lose its air, and I was already tired & cranky and didn’t want to stay up late to watch them slowly deflate.  It wasn’t that I wasn’t hopeful – I was – but it was becoming painful to watch another BCS Championship slip through their fingers…

On to other topics.  I have had a few ups & downs dealing with my Postpartum Depression.  Having been on the medication for a little over a month now has definitely had a positive effect on me.  I do feel like my thinking is clearer and I can stop and take a deep breath (most days now) before crumpling into a heap of despair and overwhelmedness.  I have noticed lately that I am very aware when I’m starting to feel pressured or overwhelmed and it’s a bit easier for me to work myself out of it than it was before.  I have forgotten to take a few doses here and there, and even without the medication, I find that I’m more inclined now to stop and THINK before I act.  Not always.  I’m a rash, impulsive person (I can SO relate to Peter jumping right out of the boat in the middle of a storm to walk to Jesus, and then sinking when the waves and wind overwhelmed him) – so some of it is my nature, but I am more aware of the way I feel as I begin to feel it, and that is a good thing.

Reading & working through a book on PPD has also helped me recognize and accept my feelings and learn how to let go. 

Last night was a good example.  I was watching the football game – both girls were being rather needy and high-strung (Curly has a chest cold, Droolah’s teeth are imminent) – and I was a little frustrated that I couldn’t get to dishes or laundry and would have to stay up rather late to “accomplish” anything.  I voiced my feelings, and King Roy observed that it was a night where the girls needed me and I could relax about the other stuff. 

At first, I was a little upset that he didn’t understand my “need” to get dishes or laundry done – but then I listened to what he said and was able to let go of the household chores, which allowed me to be more nurturing with the girls – and tickle Curly’s back so she could fall asleep, and rock Droolah (finally) to sleep, too.  It was much easier that way, and I was much happier in the end.

Yes, there are clothes in the dryer that need to be folded (and probably ironed now) and yes, there are dishes in the sink that need to be washed (Yep, I broke the cardinal rule of not leaving dishes in the sink when I go to bed) – but I felt better about the kind of mom I was to my girls and tonight, I’ll be happy to manage what I can and let the rest go…

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Posted in The Queen. Tags: , , . Comments Off on Tuesday Thoughts
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