So I was home Friday because of icy roads. Our county, particularly, stayed slick throughout most of the day, and both Roy & his dad were very concerned about my driving on the ice. Roy’s dad was attempting to make it to his VERY LAST radiation session, and was stuck because Roy had already taken Curly over to his mom’s for the day when he called and suggested I wait to drive into work, at least. Later he called and said he thought I shouldn’t go at all. Things thawed out a bit midday, but by mid-afternoon it was starting to freeze up again. So Tater & I stayed home for the day. It was nice having an extra day, and having Tater to myself. Curly & I don’t get much time alone, and that would have been nice, but she had fun at her Mamaw’s house and had a really good day. She likes structure, so keeping her routine is good for everybody.
I got caught up on homework and enjoyed it. Currently taking Psychology of Personality. This is a study of all of the personality theorists and it is very interesting to me. Let me just say, in my opinion, that Freud was a nutjob. Father of Psychology or whatever – I think he had some interesting ideas and got the process of THINKING about psychology and personality moving, but because he based his theory on the idea that Human Beings are animals and nothing more, he could not theorize higher than our base nature. I am personally fascinated by dream study and defense mechanisms, which Freud also formulated. I think studying these theorists from a Christian viewpoint sheds light on the limitations and humanistic viewpoints which led to their theories. If they could not conceive that human beings were created by a Supernatural God and did not evolve, as in the THEORY of evolution, their ideas and theories are going to be somewhat skewed. I don’t discredit their work – believe me – a lot of what these people discovered about human beings is really amazing and accurate. But when they didn’t include God in the equation and the fact that we are more than animals (in fact, made “a little lower than the angels” according to Psalms), their theories and assumptions get a bit twisted. The brain and mind is something that no one will ever be able to define entirely. But I like it that way. There are parts of me that I would like to remain a mystery to the rest of the world, knowing that God knows & sees every part and that’s what counts!
Roy & I have continued our devotions together each night, and when we put Curly to bed, we pray with her. She LOVES it. I don’t know if it’s the idea of holding hands with eyes closed and talking or if she can grasp the idea of God, yet. Yesterday, we three girls were in bed together and I had my back to them. I heard Curly talking and turned around and she was holding Tater’s hand saying “Thank you God for Tater” and going on to thank Him for mommy & daddy, too. “Amen” she says. She’s TWO!!! Whether she’s simply mimicking or not – it was really SWEET to see her do that. We always thank God for her and Tater, so it made sense that she prayed that, too.
She’s also been afraid of her ceiling fan lately. It’s black – has always been black – but she does NOT want to be anywhere underneath it. She climbed into bed last night and cowered at the foot of her bed with her face covered. I asked her what was wrong, and she popped one eye open, looked over my shoulder and kinda stared at the fan. I asked her if she was afraid of the fan and she said yes, so I talked with her about it, and turned it on so she could feel the air it stirred up. We prayed together and I asked God to help her not be afraid of her fan. She smiled, still covering her face, and settled down to sleep (sleeping all night I might add!)
I did NOT have a good Sunday. I was Mrs. Hyde to the extreme and HATED it. I had a monster headache and was miserable – and miserable to be around. Roy & Curly went to church – Tater & I stayed home. We’ve decided that we want to have one family day each week, and Sunday will be that day. Church included. Yesterday, was an exception considering my attitude & state of mind. I eventually got myself out of it, but it took most of the day to get there. I’m always edgy and rough on myself and everybody around me and it takes an extreme amount of effort & awareness to soften my tone and my words. I was not very successful in many ways. Roy was very kind & understanding which is INCREDIBLY sweet & loving!!! I am always frightfully aware of my shortcomings during this time, and begin to doubt my ability to be a good wife, a good mom, a good student, etc. I did take some Zoloft over the weekend, but don’t want to completely RELY on it for the rest of my life. It’s a struggle, and one I am praying about.
Roy and I are reading a couple of books by Neil T. Anderson that I’d like to recommend. I am currently reading Victory Over the Darkness. Roy read it first and bought another copy for me to read. I am reading it whenever I can, and much more slowly than I’m used to, but it is a GREAT book and has some tremendous points that seem new to me, even after all this time… Roy is now reading Anderson’s The Bondage Breaker and has commented on how he’s really being affected and changed by what he is reading. To be frank, I can see changes in him and how God is really working in his life. Not just through these books, but from other circumstances. It’s really sweet and a blessing to me.