What a devastating realization to be brought face to face with a lie that has been embraced as a truth in my life for so many years.
God is Not Enough.
If you haven’t read yesterday’s post, start there. As you’re reading this, maybe you have the same reaction to this idea. A reaction of shock and disbelief.
Of COURSE God is enough. Isn’t He the Creator of the Universe, Lord of All, Supreme Ruler, Omnipotent, Omniscient, Lord God Almighty!?! Sure, He’s enough.
I found myself staring blankly at a mirror in my mind, coming to the full realization that I had embraced this lie of the enemy and allowed it to seep into every corner and almost every waking thought of my life.
How do I know?
Discontentment with practically everything in my life, at one point in time or another – or for long periods of time. Where I live. Who my friends are or aren’t. What I have or don’t have. What I drive or don’t drive. My clothes. My singleness. My friends. My job. My education. My marriage. Motherhood. My body. My identity.
On and on the list goes.
Now I’m not here to simply confess this to you, but my purpose instead is to share with you that the lies of our enemy are so silky smooth, we may have held onto them for decades. We may have grabbed on to some twisted truth that has entered our life in the midst of some trauma – a lie that has seeped in and changed our perception of the Truth about God.
God does not change. God is forever Alpha & Omega – unchanging, reliable, steady, sure.
But the enemy, oh how he loves to capitalize on our pain and speak into our wounded souls lies that initially bring comfort, that bring intellectual satisfaction or emotional justice – or lies that just drive the wounds deeper and make us howl with pain.
But that’s where God comes in. Remember the C.S. Lewis quote from yesterday? How God shouts into our pain?
God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.
~ C.S. Lewis
He is relentless.
In my ignorance – in my clinging to the shreds of a lie that sought to destroy my life – to keep me bound in chains unable to live the purpose God has for me with the gifts He’s blessed me with – He shouted into my pain.
While sitting in the Bible study, as the “light bulb” came on and flashed in my face, I realized how and where this lie began its most powerful impact in my life.
I had grasped onto the lie at some point in my youth, but its most devastating effect came with my decision to have an abortion at age 17. My physical relationship with my boyfriend was evidence of having believed the lie, but it wasn’t until I came out of the recovery room after my abortion that the lie left me wounded so deeply.
I didn’t believe God was enough to carry me through that pregnancy. Still in high school, terrified of my dad’s reaction, terrified of being alone to raise a child – I didn’t think God was ENOUGH to provide for me or my child.
Despite my pregnancy with Mikhael and his adoption experience which showed God was MORE THAN ENOUGH – I’d done more damage to my soul than I could even fathom.
And that’s where the enemy had power. Where I gave him permission to speak into my soul. Just like Eve, I walked right up to that ONE forbidden tree and listened to what the enemy had to say despite God’s warning to stay away. Thoughts and ideas filled my mind and I became consumed with believing that I had to do for myself and that God was not ENOUGH… That I COULD do for myself because God was not enough…
But still He was there. My Abba Father God still pursued me – shouting into my pain – waiting for me to turn to Him again so He could show me just how He was more than ENOUGH for my life…