Wife-ly Wednesday

Wifey Wednesday

I’m linking up with Sheila Gregoire’s To Love Honor and Vacuum meme – Wifey Wednesdays today!

I don’t write a whole lot about being a godly wife.  I read a lot about being a godly wife – I pray about being a godly wife to Roy – but it’s an area I do not excel in.  It’s hard for me to write about being honoring to our husbands, because it’s an area I struggle with.

I’m a take charge kind of gal – I was almost 34 when I got married – and I pretty well hung on to some ideas of independence that have been damaging to myself – and to my marriage.

  • I want to run to the next corner, while Roy wants to stop and enjoy the scenery. sigh.
  • I want to know what “our plan” for everything is, while Roy is more relaxed and wants to let things happen, weigh the options, consider our choices.
  • I’m so very impatient and “tap-my-foot” about so many things – and Roy is able to just take a lot of things as they come.

Our differences aren’t the problem.

My attitude is my problem!

My attitude is like the rudder for our family.  Not that I can control the family – but MY attitude certainly steers and guides our family – sets the tone.  And when my attitude stinks – look out!

When my attitude is wrong – it is based on my OWN desires and wants – and I see things going in a direction OPPOSITE of my desires and wants – I pout, I sulk, I get mad, I holler.  I cry, I whine, I get angry.

And when God finally gets my attention – in whatever manner is necessary – sometimes I can turn around and see a path of destruction as big as a hurricane.

It all starts with a focus on ME.

And then I have to repent and seek forgiveness.  I have to find humility and put it on like a robe and go to my husband and my daughters and tell them I know I was wrong and apologize and pray that they forgive me.

God never ever – nowhere in Scripture – says to take care of MYSELF before anyone else.  God never ever – NOWHERE in Scripture – says if I take care of myself then I can take care of my family better.  He never says to put my feelings, my wants, my desires, or my needs first. (If you can find where He says this – feel free to share.)

Can I be honest?

I don’t like that.

Ultimately – I’m selfish.  I want to be able to say “I’m tired – I need to put up my feet and y’all can just give me some ‘me time’ so I can do my thing.”

Nope.  A wife is called to be a servant.  To be in submission to authority – God and my husband.  To be obedient (yep – I choke on that word, too) to her husband.  But Scripture doesn’t mince words about this, whether I like it or not.

I want to spend money without having to answer to ANYBODY.  I want to make decisions without deferring to Roy’s opinion, suggestion, or advice. I want to go and do and not really have to be entirely accountable.

Besides – HE’S not perfect, so why should I have to listen to him?

ACK!  Did you hear that?  Um – my husband does NOT have to be perfect first before I submit to his authority.  I am instructed to obey God – by submitting myself to my husband.

I’m not posting Scriptures here, because I’m going to point you to a post that lays out the truth with all the Scriptures that pierced my heart and convicted me down to my toes.  I could rewrite it – but that is plagiarism.  I could condense it, but miss something really important.

Instead – I’ll just ask you to read A Christian Wife Should Honor and Revere Her Husband for yourself…

The Word of God is the Message here.  It’s not opinion – and it’s certainly not POPULAR opinion.  It is TRUTH – and it is HIS TRUTH that will set us free… It’s a Truth I need to embrace and live out…


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Making Your Home Sing Monday: Honoring Dad

This is a good post for us to apply to our home.

Our Dad, Roy, works long days, long hours and we miss him.  And when he comes home there is often chaos – excitement at his arrival, some resentment that he’s gone so long (not that it’s his fault – and it ), and a major change in the flow of our day.  It is not BAD that he comes home – no – we would much rather he BE home than not.

I think to be honest, we are all learning ot make DAD the final authority in our home.  This is not easy.  For any of us.  I am used to being bossy.  And running our home all day long puts me in that mode of Being #1.  And when Roy comes home, I’m not always ready to relinquish that role.  It takes an attitude adjustment on my part – and frankly, I’m not always willing to make it.  THAT causes serious problems for all of us, and my sinful choice affects all of us.  Seeing that, realizing it, and suffering from the consequences DEFINITELY motivate me to lose my bad attitude and LET GO when it is time. Hearing my husband pray and be thankful for my submissive heart is another motivator, too.  As far as our children go, I think that Mom’s the Word is right on when she says:

We want to involve our husbands in the decision making. Sending the child to dad with their questions establishes not only dad’s authority, but also teaches the child that they can go to dad with anything. It teaches them that dad is interested in what they’re thinking, feeling, etc. The kids get used to going to mom all day when dad is at work, and they will often continue to go to mom even when dad is home.

Besides that, it gives mom – at least THIS mom – a bit of respite from the all-day responsibility, too.  I get overwhelmed by that at times, and teaching the girls to go to dad brings a bit of of a breather to me.

Another aspect for me to continue to work on is referencing Dad throughout the day.  With the girls, and with my own list of “to do’s” as I go through them.  When I remember to ask Roy if he needs or wants me to do anything for him during the day, I feel more accountable to complete them.  When I don’t, I need to answer to him.  (Believe me, this goes against a lot of years of holding completely different views about marriage and roles of marriage and parenting – so this is an internal struggle with me.) I’m finding that it gives me a greater sense of PURPOSE in my day when I do this – when I make myself available to Roy for accomplishing things, and when I hold up my end of that – and the tasks of my day (my whole day) seem to hold more meaning in them.

One area I MUST yield my own way – is in the way Roy & I purpose to do things.

At heart, I’m a – Here’s my list of things to do, let’s go through them and get them done and move on to the next thing! kind of gal (for the most part);  Roy is very thoughtful and intentional about his decisions (he takes his time) and mulls over them before doing anything.  That would be why we married almost 13 years AFTER we met…

Can you sense my impatience here? (We laugh about the time it took to get married now – but it wasn’t funny “in the process”)

It causes more grief for us probably than just about anything else.  I’m always chomping at the bit and he’s always enjoying the ride.  There is opportunity for balance here and it is one area that I find myself going to the Lord about OFTEN.

I will be honest – the more that Roy & I have moved into proper alignment with the Lord and with one another, the HAPPIER our family is.  The BETTER we handle difficult situations.  The SMOOTHER our days move along.  The CLOSER we are as a family.

There is rhyme and reason to God’s design for the family, and I am seeing it play out daily (sometimes hourly) in my own family.  It is critical that I treat Roy with respect out of a desire to please God, so our girls can learn to respect him, too, and in the process have a willing, yielding heart to the Lord.


So, to make OUR home sing today:

1. I am starting a Marriage Bible Study with a group of women in one of my online network sites.  Yay – Accountability!

2. We are going to greet daddy with HAPPINESS tonight if it kills me.  Or if I have to kill someone.  Whichever comes first. (just kidding – had to throw some humor in on a really difficult monday morning…)

3. I am going to do the things Roy asked me to do first – accomplish them and keep him first in our thoughts and focus for the day.

4. We girls are going to think of 3 reasons each why we love Daddy and tell him when he gets home.


Making Your Home Sing Monday: Emotions

Here is the original post.  This is my first time participating in this meme, and I think it’s a good way to start the regular week.

THIS post was written for me. Not that I personally know the author – but this is EXACTLY where I am at RIGHT NOW.

It is HOT. I don’t like HOT. I don’t enjoy sticky, sweaty weather. It is NOT my thing, and it makes me TERRIBLY irritable and cranky.

NOT that it is a real excuse to be so irritable and crabby with my family. And yet I am. And have been for TOO many days. ARGH!

And yes, I can be pleasant and shake hands with strangers at church, and turn around and be harsh with my family. (ouch!)  Feeling the sting of conviction today…

So, today, waking up early and having some cuddly time with Roy (it being NOT so HOT at 5 a.m.), and time for coffee, I determined to be different today.

Breakfast with the girls.  Some cuddling & TV time.  And then out of the house.  Shopping.  Not buying – just time together out of the house.

It is sunny.  Beautiful.  And thankfully, BREEZY, today.  While the girls nap, I am getting myself “together” – devotions, making phone calls that need to be made, laundering 1 load of (very dirty from playing this weekend) clothes, decluttering & straightening the Living Room, and planning for the week.

Otherwise, taking deep breaths, and enjoying ICED tea!

After naps – it’ll be time to play outside on the “new” swingset and drawing with chalk on the back patio.

I’ve been praying through my day.  Praying for wisdom.  For a “quiet and gentle” spirit.  Remembering the wonderful Ladies Event at church this past weekend – and knowing God can fill me up where I’m empty.  When I ask.  When I need it.  Not pressing on through “lists” or “chores” so much today.

Mondays are a hard adjustment for all of us because Daddy goes back to work.  Not a good day to put a lot of pressure on “doing” – but a great day to just spend time “being” – and being together.

Less TV time and more Praise & Worship music today…

And that’s how I am praying to make MY home sing today!!!

Monday Memes – At the Well & 1 Cor. 7:5

gathering-at-the-well

You really should pop over to read this sweet post by Penny At the Well today.  It falls right in line with my post summing up this past weekend…

Stressful times abound.  Chaos threatens to steal away peace. How do we respond to it?  As Christians?  As wives? As mothers?  We know actions speak louder than words (and that was more evident to me this past weekend than ever before)

Our questions for today are:

Life’s storms will come sometimes when we least expect them, how do we give our children a “safe feeling” in the midst of a life storm?

Sometimes chaos is created by our own efforts of trying to do too much, how can we maintain a peaceful home where chaos is prevented?

How can we as wives and mothers actually calm the storm?

My reactions to life’s storms absolutely affect my children, and also teach them how to handle the storms in their lives.  If I am trusting in my power, I am not relying on God’s grace, strength, peace, or wisdom to respond appropriately.  Instead, I react in my own weakness – and safety (or peace or joy or love or kindness) is not a feeling that flows from me.  This is when I must surrender my will, my desires, even my dreams – in order to let God work through me.  So they can see how God meets our greatest needs and blesses us abundantly, and how falling on Him in times of stress is our ONLY HOPE.

Yep, chaos is absolutely at the root of “doing too much” in my life.  It isn’t necessarily that I have too much on my plate.  It’s more like I pile it all up on the same side instead of placing it around my plate so I can enjoy each thing in its own time.  Instead of taking things one at a time, I try to do too much at one time.  I am pushed along by pressure, by panic, in a rush toward perfectionism .  Trusting God for guidance in meeting my responsibilities and LETTING GO are the keys for me to rest in the still waters, accomplish necessary work, and teach my girls – in actions and words – what is important in life: Reliance on God in & for all things.

Calming the storm for my family – I must   1) rely on God’s strength and pray for Him to work through me to touch my family, 2) pray continually for God to reign in every situation, and 3) provide my husband with the support and my children with the tools to seek the same peace in their lives during stressful times: Prayer, Singing, Scripture and Maintaining a right spirit.

Allowing God to continue to reveal sin in my life so I can confess it to Him and repent, renew my heart & mind (Philippians 2:5), strengthen my resolve to do right (Galatians 6:9), and lead me in His ways (Psalm 139:24) will provide more opportunities for Him to be in the midst of the storms that come our way.


And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.   ~ Philippians 4:7

1 Cor. 7:5 Challenge

This week’s challenge:  Tell him what you want…

If you’re just joining me – the 1 Corinthians 7:5 challenge is a motivation for wives to seek out and achieve more sexual intimacy with their husbands.  The topics are personal, but I promise to be as tactful as possible.

I’ll be honest – I have seen several posts on many blogs I visit regularly about pursuing sexual intimacy in marriage.  Whether it’s just a hot topic – or whether it’s just something wives are talking about more – it is obviously a need, and something we should address.

In this particular area, I have no problem asking for or saying what I like and what I want.  My problem is not in the content – it is very much in the approach.  Sometimes I’m whiny (so NOT sexy); sometimes I’m impatient (yeah, that’s motivational, isn’t it?); and sometimes, I think I’m being very clear, when in fact, I am not being understood very well (talk about Mars vs. Venus!) and the miscommunication leads to frustration for both of us.

This area takes both the willingness to say what I need or want, but also an attitude that presents my request in a way that is encouraging, motivational, and understood by my husband.  When he understands and “gets” what I’m saying – it can be a very good thing…  It takes practice.  It takes feedback.  It requires my willingness to state and restate until he “gets” what I’m saying in his terms. And yes, sometimes it takes action…

So, I will work on this during the week.  Hopefully, I earn an “A”!!!

Until next time,

have-a-blessed-day


Monday Memes – At the Well, 1 Cor. 7:5 Challenge

YAY – I’m back!  I’m very excited to be able to participate this week in these 2 really great, often challenging memes!

gathering-at-the-well

This is a really great post, and makes me happy to know Spring is coming!  Patty’s observation is so simple, too, and I appreciate the analogy she has used.

…that the [resurrection] life of Jesus also may be shown forth by and in our bodies. ~2 Corinthians 2:10b

Join in the discussion today:

Think about your daily life as a wife, mother and child of God.
What are some ways that you have persisted when you have been knocked down?
How have these circumstances brought glory to the Father?

I continue to care about our home & family – despite the chaos of 2 little ones, trying to finish my degree online, repeated illnesses, needed house renovations & busy schedules we have.  For me, that’s a serious accomplishment.  I haven’t given up (Oh, I want to.  I say I’m going to.  I just don’t.) I made a household notebook that I am putting into practice, with charts for the girls’ accomplishments too (Curly – dressing, brushing teeth, “homework,” etc.; Georgie – potty training), so we can celebrate our successes.  Using Flylady as a launching pad, I am building a routine schedule for us to maintain, and finding ways to be more frugal.  It is a challenge for me.  It’s not easy – so I want to give up.  It’s not exciting – so I get bored.  The results are not easily maintained – so I get frustrated.

But, in fully embracing the roles God has given me as a woman, wife, & mother, I am learning how much I actually (brace yourselves) ENJOY the sense of success and accomplishment when my family has drawers overflowing with CLEAN clothes, and dishes are done, and meals are being cooked & enjoyed at home.  The small successes are actually huge for my family and that’s very fulfilling.

I believe that in accepting & embracing my roles, God is innately glorified.  It’s a struggle still – I’m far too selfish – but as I follow Him more closely, He becomes more evident in my life.  My family sees, by far, the times I fail – my girls see my actions and hear my words and KNOW when I’m doing what’s right, or when I’m being selfish.  It’s so important for me to stay close to the Lord so they can see HIM in me.  THAT is when He is truly glorified in my life.

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1 Cor. 7:5 Challenge

Well, much like our fearless leader in this challenge, I’ve fallen way behind…  And this week is just not conducive to catching up, well, at least for a few days…  It’s amazing how much LIFE can get in the way of intimacy.  I honestly NEVER thought there could be so many reasons to get in the way of, well, you know…  It doesn’t help that at least once every week, each of our girls ends up in our bed in the middle of the night – neither one of us knowing it until we are awakened by a smack in the face of a smaller, widely flung arm…

So, I’m praying that by the end of this week, things can get back on track.  New panties HAVE been bought, old undies have been scrapped.  Our bedroom is slowly moving into a more romantic setting with new scents and some scenery.  And hopefully as the week progresses, I can get back into the game mentally and really step up to the challenge by getting on board and catching up – maybe even trying 2 or 3 of the challenges at once…  Talk about Shock & Awe!

So, if you have lost track and can’t remember where we’re at – OR if you’re new to the whole challenge, go here.


have-a-blessed-day


I Corinthians 7:5 Challenge – Week 3

5 Challenge

This week’s challenge can be found here.

Now that we’ve updated our private wardrobe (okay, mine is still in progress, but I’m getting there!), it’s time to showcase them for hubby!  Eyes open – lights on.  Yeah, I have my moments with this – but the better I feel about myself (and pretty underthings, a little bit of makeup, etc., helps my attitude) the easier this is to accomplish.  If it helps, just hum “You Light Up My Life…”  LOL

More Monday musings

I don’t usually post twice in one day – but I got the other post done and then was reminded of a new challenge I’m going to participate in.  I found it through Christian Stay At Home Moms – which is a site I visit daily and am meeting some really great Christian moms.

5 Challenge

1 Corinthians 7:5 (New Living Translation)

Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

This challenge is based on 1 Corinthians 7:5 (obviously) and is targeted to married women only. Here are the details of this challenge so you know where I’m coming from. While I will be honest, I will also be tactful.  My mother reads my blog, as does my mother in law, AS DOES MY HUSBAND – so while I will be participating enthusiastically, I will also be careful to address private things (if necessary) so as not to offend.

CHALLENGE – WEEK 1 – FIX YOUR BOUDOIR

This week’s challenge is about setting the stage to help create the right attitude for intimacy and start off with some great ideas!  Excuse me while I go clean up some clutter…

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For all you mom bloggers – another thing you should know about is the Mom’s New Year Bonanza 2009 at Moms In A Blog.  Crystal set up a 9 day giveaway – freebies – for anyone who signs up – looks like some fun stuff coming our way!